Tuesday, November 22, 2011

1 leg in the broom closet

It has taken me many years to develop a comfort level of who I am and who I am destined to be. I knew my spiritual path since I was in my early teens. I went through a sort of denial for about a year in my mid teens and fully embraced it in my late teens. I started reading and studying everything I could. I was blessed that my Mother accepted me and my beliefs with open arms. I then fell for my future husband and because he was a christian, I pushed my beliefs deep down inside. I did this for 10 years, kept my spirituality to myself and I was ok with this because spirituality is a personal thing anyway. But as I neared the age of 30, it started to weigh on me and I needed to be who I am, in every aspect of my life. I found my old books, hit up web pages and secretly started to reconnect with myself and the Lord and Lady.
I came out of the broom closet to my husband last year. It was a little difficult for him. His experiences and knowledge with pagan/wicca/witchcraft were negative. Despite this, he accepted it but even thought he knows...he doesn't fully know. There is a still a discomfort there and until he genuinely wants to know about it, it will always be there.
Not long ago, my youngest son told his daddy that mommy is a "witch". My husband looked at me a little horrified and said "You're not, are you?" I simply told him that I can be referred to as that. I think that made him a little more uncomfortable and because of this, I will always be partially in the broom closet. I have to be careful what I allow him to see. It doesn't necessarily bother me except when it comes to our kids. I want to teach them and share with them my beliefs. It doesn't mean they have to follow it but there will atleast be an understanding.
Just a few weeks ago my youngest said to Hubby, "Wouldn't it be cool if Mommy was a witch and you were a warlock and you could just make things happen?". Hubby looked at me and said "Hmmm, I wonder where he got that?". Oh yeah, I shot daggers at him with my eyes! I simply replied, "It was just Halloween." Which my son agreed with that fact and why he said that. Grrrrrr! The man's lucky I love him. ;)
Due to my home intolerance and misunderstanding and even ignorance, I have found that simple spiritual things work best for me. Perhaps someday, I can fully leave that closet but for now, I am happy just to see the sunlight as I sit in the closet doorway.

No comments:

Post a Comment